Integrated screening results

... well that was fast!  My second blood draw was yesterday so I didn't expect results until next Tues, but the genetic counselor just called me - everything is normal! :)  Of course I immediately started to cry when I got that news. :)

In summary:

• Risk of Down's Syndrome (based on my age) went from 1 in 180 prior to the screen to 1 in 290
• Risk of neural tube defects is less than 1 in 10,000
• Risk of Trisomy 18 is less than 1 in10,000

So... most likely we won't need to worry about any of those things - HOORAY!!! :)

Wonderful news for a Happy New Year I think!

Now if my round ligament pain would simmer down a bit... ;)

If  I don't post again before Fri - I wish you all the happiest New Year yet!!!  

Quick update :)

So... I got in to be seen this morning - got to hear the baby's heartbeat with the doppler which was very cool!  Heart rate was in the 150s - perfectly normal.  Of course the baby dove when she was trying to get the reading so it was kind of hard to hear... but that is ok!  A big relief.  Also found out that anything that can irritate the cervix/that general area can cause spotting which made me feel better.

15 weeks really quick...

This week flew by!  Holy cow.

Week 13 ultrasound video :)

Here are two segments from the week 13 ultrasound video:

In this one, you can see the baby kicking; also, the tech did a measurement of the foot at the end.

... and in this one, you can see the re-measure of the foot and the baby's arm - the tech points it out, though it's kind of hard to see.

Hope you enjoy!

Next ultrasound: hopefully we'll know if it's a girl or a boy!!! (Oh please cooperate baby Dimond!) :)

Week 14 - almost Christmas!

So... week 14 hasn't been quite as nice as I thought it may be.  For me, it meant:

• Increasing nausea and vomiting - but occasional vs. continuous
• Kind of wild blood sugars - a lot of adjusting, then adjusting back, etc.
• Continued fatigue
• At night my tummy is pretty tender
• Increasing spaciness

However - I still feel pretty good and am of course celebrating being in the 2nd trimester! :)

Marathon appointment day!!!

So yesterday I was at the UUMC from 10:20 a.m. - 4:20 p.m.  Talk about a long day!!!  I was supposed to have an hour between appointments for lunch, but things just kind of ran together so no such luck.  Oh well - I did eat at 4 p.m. and MAN did that taste GOOD! :)

Oops! AGAIN! Week 12... and, the good, the bad, and the ugly

Man you would think I'd learn to post a little earlier in the week!  Tomorrow starts week 13 and I haven't said anything about week 12!

... more weird dreams!

I keep thinking I really should write some of these down, and then think I already did - but looks like I'm missing them!

The first dream I remember from several weeks ago (before our viability scan, or shortly thereafter) was that I woke up in the hospital and couldn't remember what had happened, but Blake's family and a bunch of my family were there and seemed excited.  I told a nurse or doctor I was glad everyone was happy, but could someone please tell me what happened since I couldn't remember?  She said something like "Oh!  Well we found you have a surprise twin, and we had to do a little surgery but now everything is fine.  We put in a zipper, though, so if you want them now we can take them out - or you can wait until June."  To which I said I think we better wait until June!

Week 11 - a pretty fun surprise!

Well... the blizzard is not a fun surprise... holy cow!!!  But... in terms of week 11...

Today is the first day, so not much to say yet re: what it's meant! ;)  I know I was nauseous and tired today - good news, right???

Shoot! I missed week 10! Better late than never... :)

 So... what week 10 meant for me:

• A little bit of weirdness with blood sugars, but not too bad - micro adjustments here and there.
• Increasing nausea - until I decided to let myself eat a bit more.  Like magic, all better! :)
• Heartburn and changes in food preferences (meat, chocolate, spice, fatty foods = not good!!!)
• VIVID dreams - made it very hard to feel rested.  Ugh.  Dreams about bats - small and person sized (freaky!), conflict with family members, and some funny things but I can't remember them at the moment!!!
• EXTREME FATIGUE - man I feel like I could sleep about 12 hrs/day! 
• Nosebleeds - gross.  I felt like my nose was dry so Blake got me some vaseline -  I applied a little in each nostril and PRESTO!  All better. :)
 

Before I miss it... week 9!

So today I am at week 9 day 3 - before I get to the evening of week 9 day 6, thought I better put info up re: week 9!

Week 8 :)

Just in time... tomorrow starts week 9 so better get this going!

According to http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-pregnancy-8-weeks_1097.bc?read_more=1&scid=mbtw_preg08:958&pe=2UvuHCR, during week 8:

"Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it."

A drawing of what the embryo looks like (or looked like!) :) is here.

Don't worry...

The weekend is going by fast and we're zonked so haven't scanned the ultrasound pictures in.  All is well - just busy - will do that soon.  Also hope to get week 8 info in - we're almost to week 9 - weird! :)

Blake wants me to post he is the best husband ever.  For me, that is true - I love my Blakee!

More soon. :)

Busy day...!

Holy cow, today ended up BUSY!  I'll write in more detail later (no, really...) ;) but want to let everyone know things are just fine.  The embryo is growing GREAT - grew quite a bit over the past week!  If I understand the ultrasound correctly, CRL (crown-to-rump length :) ) is now ~1.7 cm - not sure how to translate that, but according to my week-to-week info (which I'll post soon, too for week 8) it's about the size of a large raspberry. :)  It kind of looks more like Slimer (from Ghostbusters) than a tadpole - progress!

Week 7 - oops!

I almost missed including info re: week 7!!!

What week 7 meant for me:

1) Increasing nausea - progressively worse during the day.  I was hating it last night (nausea, but thankfully no vomiting!)  If I eat, it's not as bad.  Maybe this is why I've gained 6.5 lbs in 6 wks???

2) Continued vivid dreams and (sometimes) nightmares.

3) Continued fatigue.

4)  THIRST - feeling dehydrated constantly.

5)  Our ultrasound!  Seeing the heartbeat (couldn't pick up the sound because it's just too little!) was the coolest thing EVER.  I forgot to mention on Thurs they sent us home with sparkling martinelli's to celebrate, and lots of fun magazines for new parents and parents-to-be. :)

Teeny tiny... :)

FINALLY the day of the viability scan/pregnancy ultrasound was here! :)

I will keep it short (I'll add info re: week 7 tomorrow) - we have one teeny tiny baby growing!  Here is a picture - can you spot it? ;)

... and a more magnified view... (still tiny and kind of tadpole looking!) :)

I have to say that seeing the heartbeat was perhaps the most amazing thing I've ever seen.  How cool is it that one of our balls of cells now has a heartbeat???  :)

So if all continues to go well, we'll be due mid-June.

My first appointment with the Maternal/Fetal medicine dr is next Fri, Nov 5.  The adventure continues!

HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY!!! :)

Oh P.S.  went to the Royal India again to celebrate... we love that place!

A really fun day :)

Yesterday was a GREAT day.  It started with me getting up to go to the grocery store - I asked Blake to please put his clothes away and vacuum when he got up.  When I got back, he came out and helped bring groceries in, AND he had put his clothes away and was vacuuming - NICE! :)

Then our Dads came over and we went to the Utah game.  Despite the rain, it was a FUN game - Utah did GREAT (poor CSU... nah...) :) - always fun to see Utah win in-person.  

When we got home, Blake made us dinner and we found "Remember the Titans" on tv - I've wanted to see it for a long time, so we watched it and it was great.  A super fun day.

At the game, I noticed my legs were cramping a lot - yes, we were having to go up to the 62nd row, but it was really uncomfortable!  I read somewhere recently that you can get funny leg cramping in pregnancy because you start metabolizing calcium differently -  I have a suspicion, though, that the problem may just be I'm very out of shape, my ankle was acting up, and I hurt my toe the other day so was limping.  Yep - that seems the more likely culprit! :)  I will be going to the gym starting this week I think... :)

We just watched the Broncos game... ouch.  Not good - I think the worst game I've seen from the Broncos in a long time... :(  I was shocked that they didn't put any other QB in - poor Orton was getting MUSHED.  I think Tim Tebow may be wondering what he was thinking when he signed on... wow.

I got pretty nauseous today after sacrament meeting - great, right? :)  In YW I realized pretty much everyone in the  YW leadership knows about our pregnancy.  I don't remember telling people, but maybe I told them we were doing IVF and they were assuming it worked...?  I suppose one of the risks of posting a public blog is that you lose the ability to share your news with people when/how you want... I feel a little anxious that so many people are in the know, just because we haven't had the viability scan yet and it's pretty dang early.  But - it's nice that people are excited and happy for us, so I'm trying to think of it that way!

Anyway - have a wonderful day/evening!

Week 6 and more on the joys of diabetes... ;)

I know I've not been posting as often as I was before - just a reflection of being busy and tired!  Holy cow!!!

So - first - week 6 of pregnancy is a REALLY cool week! 

Holy tired, Batman...! and an accounting of our trip to Denver

For the past few days (almost a week now actually) I've been soooo tired.  I have insomnia at night (waking up about every 2 hrs) with weird dreams, and then I am having trouble staying awake during the day!  Yikes.  Oh well.  Quickly before I move on to the Denver trip - my ultrasound was rescheduled to Thurs Oct 28 - the doctors are all at a conference and won't be back until late Wed.  BUMMER.

To summarize Denver... it was fun, but BUSY - not exactly a restful trip, but still fun!

Our fifth anniversary! :)

So today is our fifth wedding anniversary!!!  It is crazy to think about - what an interesting five years.  Despite the rough spots, I am really happy to say this has been my FAVORITE year so far! :)  I love my Blakee - he is the best, funniest, quirkiest match for me.

Special considerations for a diabetic (again)

FRUSTRATING - I can't get my blood sugars to be between 80-120 (for the most part) the last few days.  I know I'm sensitive to hormone changes - that could be all it is (?)

Busy, busy!

Wow did the weekend go by FAST!

Friday when Blake got home, we went to the Royal India (on Main St in Bountiful) to celebrate our news.  It was YUMMY!

... the verdict

So last night I woke up (again) at 3:30 a.m.  Has anyone seen "The Fourth Kind"?  I haven't, but for some reason in this semi-lucid state I remembered an ad that said something like "most alien abductions occur at 3:33 a.m." - so I started to panic thinking I was going to be taken up at any minute.  I woke up enough to calm down, then started worrying about what the day would bring.  There was lightening, thunder, and rain going on - and I thought uh-oh, I hope this isn't a bad sign! 

P.S.

Cute Blake ran an errand and came back with a card and giant cupcake for me.  :)  I think he knows I'm kind of anxious - I think that is really sweet (and I'm not just talking about the chocolate cupcake!) 

One more day!!!

So by tomorrow at this time, we *should* know if this round worked!

I am grateful today for a job that keeps me very busy - the two weeks went by pretty dang fast - very humane, I think!

Fingers crossed... we'll be ok either way since we know what we'll do regardless, but WOW how cool would it be if it's positive???


Have a great night! :)

Two more days...

...until the next milestone - the blood test to see if this worked!  I'm kind of anxious, and excited to find out one way or the other.  A few people have asked if I'm wanting to try a home pregnancy test - honestly, I'm ok to wait.  This week is going by FAST, and my history has shown I don't have a lot of luck with positives being confirmed.  So I'm perfectly happy to wait until Fri morning, with an answer by the end of the day.

Hooray! I'm feeling crummy! ;)

Actually I'm not feeling THAT bad - but I do kind of persistently feel a little dizzy, and a couple of times I felt pretty dang nauseous today.  In fact, in the middle of the last meeting (which I was facilitating) at one point, when a bunch of people came in together, someone had cologne or perfume on that didn't sit well - AT ALL.  I didn't have to run out, but had to consciously breathe deeply, sip some cool water, and focus on the call.  Then after the meeting I swear it smelled like something electrical was burning, and things tasted weird, which made me feel gross.  I made it through the day, though, and I think this may be a good sign. :)  Though maybe I'm just anxious/making myself feel sick.

A funny thing happened at the Hogle Zoo... :)

Whoa did this weekend FLY BY!!!  I'm exhausted and haven't even had a chance to post!

Yesterday (Sat) I woke up at 7:30 a.m. and got up to start cleaning - yep, I'm having trouble sleeping.  Blake got up around 9 a.m. and went to get bagels at Einstein's.  Unfortunately it was SUPER BUSY and a guy in front of him stole... I mean, took... our order when it came up!  Oh well, the guys there know Blake so gave him the impatient guy's AND his original order.  This worked out GREAT, actually, as I forgot to tell him the pretzel bagels have been too salty for me the past few days, so I got impatient guy's cinnamon sugar bagel instead. :)

We watched General Conference from 10-11 a.m., then Mark and Ember dropped Julie and Celine off to go to the zoo (we promised Julie last year for her birthday that we'd take her to the zoo - she turns 8 yrs old next Fri so we had to get moving!)

PUPO and halfway through the TWW! :)

First - I decided to change the blog format - love it?  Hate it?  Let me know what you think! :)

This week actually went by REALLY fast - happy to see just 7 days to go until we find out if this round worked or not! :) I think this week may go even faster - we are going to the zoo, zoo, zoo (don't you wanna come too, too, too?) ;) (had to say it!) tomorrow with Julie and Celine (two of our nieces), and it's conference weekend, and we've got a bunch of errands (cleaning, groceries, etc.) to take care of, then next week I have meetings starting at 8 a.m. on Mon, culminating in our Bureau's "All Hands meeting"/party on Thurs afternoon. Lots to stay busy! :)

Refocusing... :)

So... the weekend had some bumps. Blake and I just talked, though, and agreed we need to look at this as a positive, exciting time, and we need to be on the same team as we go through this.

Bummer - and music soothes the savage beast... :)

Well, Dr. Reggio (the embryologist) called about an hour ago - he was extremely nice, and explained that the 4 embryos we let culture didn't make it past the 30-cell stage so no embryos to freeze. Bummer. But - it's ok - we didn't really expect them to - we were just hoping. So - now we will focus on positive thoughts for our two transferred embryos! Not a bad thing to know the outcome anyway.

The poor guy apologized again (profusely) for the labeling error - I told him he should stop worrying - we couldn't be happier with the care we're getting, and the way the error was handled just reinforced my confidence in the staff at RCC. They are great.

So... as I mentioned earlier, I worked on my playlist today. I listened to it this afternoon. Thought I would share what I'm including in case you are interested. :) The Jewel CD that the Jewel songs are from is so nice - I'm loving it. Very soothing. :) I'm sure Blake will be DELIGHTED that I've found something to help me chillax!

THiM! :)

Thanks Heavens it's Monday! :) OK not my usual thing to say, but I'm excited for today. I took it off anticipating transfer would be yesterday, and while I would usually readjust and go in, I'm going to still take it off and have a day to myself. I know, I know - this continues to sound a bit selfish. But I promise it will result in a more positive Melissa :)

World's Worst Wife 2010

Yesterday was kind of rough. I will admit, that's because I chose to be a pain. I had anticipated, and looked forward to, at least one day of laid back pampering and babying since I was supposed to be relaxing, staying positive, etc.

Nice job Blakee! :)

I kind of jokingly asked Blake when he was going to get me flowers to celebrate our little milestone yesterday. I've been a bit bossy since I'm supposed to be taking it easy, but he still went and got me gerber daisies - my favorite!!! :)

Quick note - change to blog, and note to self...

Hi all!

Just a quick note - people were having trouble with blog log-ins so I made this public. This means:

1. You won't have to sign in to read it or need an invite to get to it
2. I changed settings so you'll need to type in a verification word to post a comment - shouldn't be too much of a pain, but you may notice the difference.

cRaZy DaY!!! :)

So... on Wed when we got our fertilization report, and we had 6 fertilized eggs, and the tentative plan was to transfer embryos on Sun, I thought, cool! I will get to go to the "What a Woman Wants" expo again this year! I told my sis-in-law, and jokingly noted that if the RCC called and needed to transfer on Fri, maybe she could drop me off there since it was literally up the road from the expo?

Let's just call that a major premonition! :)

Fertilization report :)

Tami at RCC called a few min ago with the fertilization report - GREAT news (at least I think) - of 10 eggs, 7 were mature, and 6 fertilized!!! WOOHOOOOO!!! :) Another little box to check off (and give an A + + + + + + +... to - not me or Blake, but the situation!)

The tentative plan is to do a day 5 transfer (of two - freezing any others that are viable) Sun morning at 10:30 a.m. They will call Fri to confirm.

Happy happy, joy joy! Things are looking promising. :)

Retrieval day! :)

I couldn't sleep well last night - I was too excited for today! I woke up several times before 7:30 a.m. (when I wanted to get up to get ready) and thought "this feels like I felt on my wedding day" - which I took as a good sign because it was one of the best days of my life. :)

The quick summary - things went great! The pictures are of me after the retrieval. I'm smiling - I think that is good! Thank heavens for Blake's cell phone camera - but where did that skinny lens go...? ;)

The HCG shot absorbed and I've got a picture to prove it :)

Just did the pregnancy (aka HCG test) to make sure the dose I took last night absorbed as it should have - woohoo! Looks like it did. :) Another little item checked off. On to tomorrow...!

Hope this is a good sign for next month! :)

Trigger shot DONE!

Just took the high-dose HCG trigger shot-that marks the last shot of this cycle! :)

News flash... :)

So... we had our appt this morning at 9 a.m. I found out the following:

Acceleration!!!

What an interesting appointment today!!!

First - I now have 4 follicles on my right side and 3 follicles on my left side - apparently 3 of the smaller ones have been absorbed on my right, and my left got going the past two days. I said something like "whoa - I didn't think I had ANY on my left!" and Dr. Heiner said... "yep, things change!" The body is a crazy thing.

Kind of freaking out/update from appt today

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster in terms of my emotions the past couple of days!

Estradiol levels, etc.

First, this is the picture of the good luck charm the pharmacy sent with my medications. I like it - it's currently on our fireplace mantle. :) (Yes, we DO like metal sculptures!)

I went to my appointment this morning for my estradiol check. My veins are soooo bad - I told the phlebotomist usually my hand is best, but she wanted to try my wrist vein since it looked pretty good. OUCH is all I have to say about that! Yikes. Plus the bandage kind of looked like I was trying to off myself... but she was super nice.

What do the medications do exactly...?

I just found an interesting article on IVF stimulation protocols and what the medications do. The three I am taking are: Ganirelix (GnRH - antagonist), Bravelle (FSH), and low-dose HCG until a final "trigger" dose of HCG is given - retrieval is 35 hrs after that.

From http://www.advancedfertility.com/ivf-stimulation-antagonist.htm :

"IVF stimulation protocols in the U.S. generally involve the use of 3 types of drugs:

1. GnRH-agonist (gonadotropin releasing hormone agonist, Lupron) or a GnRH-antagonist (Ganirelix) to suppress the LH surge and ovulation until the follicles are mature
   
   
2. FSH product (follicle stimulating hormone) to stimulate development of multiple follicles
   
   
3. HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) to cause final maturation of the eggs"

Second shot

Second shot done. It WAS easier, which is good - much less stressful now that it's not new.

First shot - done. Woohoo! :)

First of all, to give Blake credit :) -
I was feeling anxious last night.
Blake went out and brought me flowers (roses, in fact - the first time he's bought me roses!) and a treat from Baskin Robbins - he got lots of positive man points there... :)

I don't know why, but I've been having a lot of angst over this first shot! I started thinking about it yesterday, and kind of stressed about it all day. Maybe my emotions were running high due to the anniversary of 9/11? Maybe it's normal to feel a little freaked out about what we're about to do - to my ovaries, in retrieving the eggs, etc.? Probably somewhat... Anyway, who knows.

Two little signs...

Have you ever been struggling with something and wishing there was some sign that might comfort you? I know we are not supposed to ask for signs to prove anything, and I haven't done that. But a few times through our experience so far I've had little things happen that made me think "whoah - if that just happened, there is certainly hope!"

You can think I'm crazy and that is ok. :) But here are two examples I want to write down...

Interesting and helpful article on emotional considerations of IVF

I really was surprised at how emotionally taxing my little suppression check appointment was. I did a quick google search and found the following article at this link:

http://www.sart.org/Guide_PreparingForIVFEmotionalConsiderations.html

It certainly rings true so thought I'd include it here. Always nice to find info that helps explain your reactions to things and that helps bring a larger context, especially when it seems just about right. Now I don't feel so silly about my anxiety attacks. :)

Suppression check... check! :)

So am back home after my suppression check this morning, getting ready to head in to work. To summarize - all went well! Blood work is pending, but the ultrasound looked good. I had 12 "freckles" on my right ovary, which are kind of pre-follicles, or where eggs may be forming. Angie (NP) said this is good and, along with the left ovary looking fine means I have a good chance of having a nice group of eggs to retrieve.

Made my list... ready to go... and, TTC terminology

I have my little box of medications and my notebook with questions to check on (or double-check, in some instances, because... well... I'm just like that!) at my appt tomorrow morning. I'm excited!

I've been kind of emotional and moody today - I think the change in hormones post-birth control may be doing that.

I found out today there is a whole bunch of TTC (trying to conceive) terminology I haven't been familiar with - like "PUPO" (pregnant until proven otherwise) - I feel so schooled! ;) At least I knew about "baby dust" - as in "sending baby dust your way" - which means hope you conceive soon. :)

Holy cow - part two...

I woke up this morning realizing the target date for egg retrieval is only TWO WEEKS away! It seems really weird since I don't start shots until Sat - I started feeling anxious, but talked with Blake and he had some great points - first, we live in a day and age of technology where we have an opportunity to address the fertility issues we're facing; second, my diabetes is currently under great control so shouldn't have an impact on this; and third, we are going to an excellent clinic and I have great doctors - we both feel we're at the right place and that things are coming together.

Another little milestone...

I took my last birth control pill - hooray! I'm a little nervous that my blood sugars will start dropping tomorrow - but at least I know what to watch for. :)

Ricky is calling - I get to talk to him for a min - sweet!

Good night!!! :)

Today's Music and the Spoken Word

I woke up pretty early this morning and we don't have to be to church until 11 a.m., so I got on my Wii Fit and did yoga, and then we watched Music and the Spoken Word. At the risk of being a titch late (I now have ~50 min to get ready/to church) :) I want to post some thoughts about today's program. When I heard the poem "Invictus" (below) near the end of the Program, which I had never heard before, it made me cry. I would imagine everyone can relate to it since we all go through trials - and I love it! How inspiring to think about the buffetings of life and remaining unconquerable!

Then the Choir sang "The Impossible Dream" - I always cry when I hear that, too. I love it - it always makes me want to stay true to myself and do my best.

So - just want to share those.

Thanks for all you do to inspire me to stay hopeful and do my best. Love you all! :)

P.S. I'm labeling this "pre-IVF", "Got hormones?" and Non-IVF thoughts because I am certain my emotions are being magnified by my hormones and the fact we're about to go through IVF, but the thoughts themselves aren't really related. Crazy person? Perhaps! :)

A few thoughts on September

I think I have a love-hate relationship with September. I have several great friends who have birthdays in September, football games start in earnest in September, temps start cooling, etc. I sure love when the leaves start changing, the mornings and evenings are crisp, and it starts to feel like Fall.

Checking the list...

So - all of my medications arrived today - hooray!

Top 10 things I love about fall 2010...

10. Beautiful changing leaves
9. Cooling temperatures
8. University of Utah Football
7. Denver Broncos Football
6. I get to go see Ricky's team play football in October in Colorado Springs!
5. I get to go to a Broncos game in October!
4. I get to go to a University of Utah football game in October - with Blake and our Dads!
3. It's (finally) time for IVF
2. Did I mention watching football...?
1. Our anniversary will be in October! :)

Mending fences and a few jitters!

Have you ever said something you realized maybe wasn't the nicest thing ever, and regretted it for several years, even though by most people's estimation you were fully justified in it? Well I have. I said something pretty harsh to someone a year or two ago. At first, I felt liberated, and like "take that"! But very shortly after, especially after I learned of a difficult circumstance they were going through, I started feeling very bad.

I think I am confused!

... or at least my body is! Be forewarned - if you are a guy - you will probably NOT be interested in this post and I have no qualms with you ignoring it!

Our talks :)

This ended up being quite the weekend! My mom and Tom made it and they were the life of the ward party Sat night as Patti Cake and Kactus Pete. How kind of them to drive all the way from Colorado to Bountiful to participate - it was awesome. The picture here is of them/us at the party, then today before they left (the gal who takes pictures/sends ward info out happened to walk by just before they left, and had her camera!) :)

Quick mention of some very cool people :)

Wow. I know some amazingly cool people! Here is quick mention of just a few:

Posting #2 for the day - talk for Sunday

I know - kind of weird to post twice in a day (even in an hour?) - but I'm using this to document things that I will print out/save as a journal later. :)

You mean all I had to do was ask? :)

Wow... what a difference a day makes! I woke up this morning having anxiety attacks thinking my old boss doubts my judgment - I couldn't shake it. I finally gave up, got up, got ready, and headed to the Flu Summit. When I got there, my friend Nancy sat by me and somehow we started talking about grant applications and I told her how I was having anxiety about the ELC continuation grant, and that I knew I needed help but was having trouble letting go and asking for help. She was so kind and calming, and helped me talk through what I was going to do.

Little Miss Crabby Day 2

I admit it!!! If you didn't notice, I was just plain ornery today. Between starting the day with a misunderstanding with Blake, nursing hurt feelings from yesterday, and then going to a meeting where my former boss made a couple of... shall we say... snarky remarks that seemed directed right at me, I just felt horrible inside all day.

Feelin' low... :(

I don't know what it is today - but I have felt super sad all day. Not mad at all-just sad. I'd like to say it's my hormones (and it probably is) - I know I have much to be happy about and thankful for - just can't shake the sads today.

Maybe it's partly that there is not much to do for a few weeks - just a holding pattern? Maybe it's that I'm nervous about if this will work or not - I feel confident, but understand there is a chance it won't work right off the bat... Maybe it's nothing to do with fertility issues and I'm just tired and disappointed in how the Broncos game went.

... Or maybe I'm getting nervous about talking in church this week!

I know I'll feel better tomorrow-guess I'll just let myself be today. :)

Man points and Lilac Clothing

For those of you on facebook, apologies for the redundancy. Blake believes there is a "man points" system where he accrues man points when he is nice or does generally good things for me/our house. I knew it meant trouble when the first thing he said today was "I'm going to try to burn through all of my man points today"... I said "why would you do that? Why not be nice just to be nice?" ... and he said "I don't want you to forget that I have accrued man points, so sometimes I need to spend them to remind you." He has since proceeded to try hard to annoy me all day. :( Apparently he has forgotten that my hormones are being manipulated and I'm feeling short in general (... and not just in stature!) Also I got up at 6:45 a.m. to go with the YW/YM to the temple for baptisms. I'm not a morning person - so YAWN... I felt nice and calm there, but started feeling a bit grumpy when I got home. Blake has impeccable timing in when to choose to burn his man points... or not. :)

Holy cow - it is ON...

The pharmacy just called re: the medications ordered by the RCC. Five medications for $2,619.90... whoa. So happy we can use our Flex $ for this - having $ spread out over a year makes it seem more reasonable. :)

Meds will arrive Tues Aug 31! IT IS ON!!! :)

I think I am going to run out of titles...

... for these posts! :)

Today was a little bit weird between craziness at work, the weather, and discovering "On the Road with Austin & Santino"... love it? Hate it? I just don't know!!! But that is a story for another day!

Just a quick update - Barb from the RCC called about ordering my medications. I found out that just this morning, they changed how they order meds - so I'll be getting them directly from a vendor (totally cool with me since this should mean the best price available). I was able to find out that I AM on the antagonist protocol (not "antagonistic", mind you... hee hee...) - so I'll start injections around Sept 11.

Humbled

In talking with a co-worker (my friend Theron) about our upcoming IVF, he said "well if you're doing this in September, I'm going to dedicate my Sept fast to you and Blake". I was floored (in a very thankful way!) Mind you - Theron is a Bishop in his ward, is < 35 yrs old, has 3 little kids at home, and lots of siblings - oh, and he is preparing for LOTOJA (Logan to Jackson - a 200+ cycling road race he does every year)... that he would be so kind and matter-of-fact about it when he has so many other things going on that he could easily focus on made me feel very grateful. I mean, I know people who would dedicate their fast to their upcoming bike race... when I grow up, I hope to be as thoughtful, kind, and selfless.

A pretty great day!

After being up working until 12:30 p.m. last night, I was prepared to be pretty grumpy today. I had several meetings that could have been difficult, and I knew it was likely I'd find out the forms I spent several hours on would need to be changed.

Bureaucracy (non-IVF related)

I just must comment today on the reality of submitting grant proposals at this point in the history of our Dept.

IVF class - check!

Today was a very full day. Blake has been wanting to go to the Farmer's Market in SLC, and we thought we'd hit that before our IVF class. I am shocked at how much it has expanded! I used to go weekly to buy my fruit/veggies for the week ~7-8 yrs ago - I remember it was about two rows - one with vendors, perpendicular to one with vendors and food. Vendors now encircle the park, and there are crafts plus fruits/veggies/flowers, meats, etc. PLUS lots of food vendors in the middle!!! When we were already a little nervous/stressed about the class, this equating to wall-to-wall people made us slightly more anxious. We bought some brats, corn, and jalapeno bread (to make a mean savory french toast), then called it good and headed to the class.

Counting blessings on Friday the 13th! :)

It is so easy to complain and be frustrated about things ranging from a minor annoyance from another driver to chronic pain... I know I struggle sometimes to see the positive. We have had many amazing and wonderful things happen for us this year - I keep thinking it's pretty awesome.

Forms, forms... those blasted forms!

We just spent two hours reading through various consent and informational forms, making decisions about what we would do if they freeze any resulting embryos should one of us become incapacitated, struck by lightening, injured by a lion who escapes while visiting the zoo, etc. OK - no. Not the last two. But you would think every *possible outcome was covered in these forms! Kind of exhausting.

I haven't been feeling well - I have a sharp, intermittent pain in my stomach and I feel like I'm retaining water. I am assuming this is related to either pulling a muscle or the birth control pills. Blake is convinced I shouldn't worry about it so I'm trying not to!

A bit of background (or... how did I (we) get here?)

I'm not sure how much people know about our struggles with fertility so far. Perhaps it will be of interest and be cathartic to share...

We started trying for a baby in Sept 2007. At the time, I was excited about it, but Blake wasn't so much. He kind of teased me a lot (like "well, SHE'S trying, but...") - I think I got mad eventually and somehow got him to understand how hurtful it was.

I think in ~March 2008, I had a late cycle - got all excited, but false alarm.

In late July/early Aug 2008, I had a positive pregnancy test - got very excited, but a follow-up test was negative, and blood work negative, and my cycle started just a few days late (I think 3). I was really, really devastated and sad. But I thought, well, from what I understand, it was a chemical pregnancy (miscarriage before you have clinical signs/symptoms of pregnancy) and most people don't even know they're pregnant yet, so it will probably be ok.

Special considerations for a diabetic

D'oh! Not only are the bc pills making me moody, they're making my blood sugars run high. I increased by basal rate by 0.2 units/hr (kind of a lot actually!) and am hoping I can get them back < 200. This is also making me not feel so good. I'm lucky my diabetologist is very quick to reply to email questions/help me with guidance on managing things.

Oh maybe stress from purchase orders, contracts, grant applications, and installation of a new software version could be making me run a little high too? ;) Thank heavens for super staff and co-workers who are helping with these things!

It's all good - will be doing my hula DVD tonight.

Oh... and Blake is grilling steak, corn, and veggies for dinner.... woohoo!!! :)

P.S. Worked like a charm - a little adjustment (up .15 units/hr) and I stayed between 90-100 all evening! Feeling so much better!!!

A story from our last big adventure - four little miracles

I don't think I have written this anywhere from start to finish, and thought I should put it somewhere, and perhaps it will be interesting (?) - apologies as it is not really related to the blog topic!

Before leaving for our Kaua'i trip, I was packing my diabetes stuff. I grabbed a new vial of humalog, and noticed a vial of lantus insulin - expired by 2 yrs. I NEVER bring lantus with me on trips - even though I probably should - but it really grabbed my attention and I thought, yep, I should throw that in and make sure I have a couple of syringes... just in case... (miracle #1)

When we got to Kaua'i, we went straight to Poipu Beach and got a Puka Dog, then went over and watched people playing in the water. I got really excited to go snorkeling, so we drove to our hotel, checked in (it was now late enough for that), changed into our swimsuits, and went to our favorite place - Lydgate Park. My blood sugar was running high, so I told Blake maybe I'd wear my pump in the water since it's supposed to be waterproof - he thought that was a bad idea, and, though I didn't say it, I thought he was probably right. So, I clipped it to my swimsuit to remind myself to take it off. I then ran right into the water (I think I was really jet-lagged from getting up at 3:45 a.m. and just spaced it). We swam and snorkeled, and then I realized my pump was beeping and vibrating.

Things that make you go "hmmm...."

So I think I spoke too soon about not being too bad with the birth control pills. I've been very moody today - I even started crying when I saw pictures of myself thinner (I really don't get down like that very much!) I was snapping at Blake, too. Maybe I'm just tired, but this is exactly what I remember from taking them before for acne... but no option to stop taking them now! Hopefully I will get used to it/can manage my emotions better as the month goes on! Fortunately it's only a month - not a permanent thing...

Blake seemed obsessed with talking about what the "man room" will be like for his part on retrieval day today. It was actually very funny - he said he's thinking everything will seem like it's in slow motion, and there will be cheerleaders chanting "Go Blake!" while the theme from Chariots of Fire plays. He said he is envisioning coming out after leaving his contribution to see his friends there high-fiving him. I think that's funny - and whatever is motivating I guess...? :) I know I'll be loopy so whatever!!!

I'm not planning on posting daily, but thought I should note the moodiness to remind myself in case we have to go through this process more than once!

Major paperwork - done!

The contract is signed, the payment done - we are off to the races (so to speak)... :)

Vicki (Blake's mom) came with us to our appointment - it was especially fun because people remembered her and Danielle, and she got to talk about and show pictures of Josie, Braden, and Bailee! People were happy to see how great they are doing at 7 yrs old! It made things feel happy and calmer. We are lucky to have support from our parents and siblings!

Had to get blood draws done today - mine took three sticks - one try in my arm, two in my hand (OUCH) - but they got it (finally). My new mantra is "I will drink at least 8 glasses of water a day" since I'll be getting lots of blood draws done (not my fave, but necessary!) *I blame two things for my bad veins: 1) their "memory" from when I was in the hospital - having IVs for 3 weeks I think made them dive deep and move when they sense a needle coming at them, and 2) (the more likely culprit) I think gaining weight is obviously making my veins deeper. Oops. Better get working on that hula dancing... ;)

Where we are and what's next - Aug 2010

After planning this starting in April - we are almost there!

I started taking birth control pills on Mon (Day 3 of my cycle) - I will take them until Mon Sept 6. I thought it was really funny to pick up prenatal vitamins and birth control pills at the same time at the pharmacy... maybe it was just me!

Tomorrow we go in to sign the contract/pay for the IVF/ICSI, and get some final lab work done.

Sat Aug 14 is our IVF class - 3 hrs, but just a one-time deal!

I'll post about Sept as it gets closer.

Trying out this blog business!

I was trying to figure out the best way to document this process and share it with a handful of people - this seems to be a pretty good way to go!

I'm only inviting a few people to read this - if I miss someone that you know may want to follow this little blog, let me know!