Two little signs...

Have you ever been struggling with something and wishing there was some sign that might comfort you? I know we are not supposed to ask for signs to prove anything, and I haven't done that. But a few times through our experience so far I've had little things happen that made me think "whoah - if that just happened, there is certainly hope!"

You can think I'm crazy and that is ok. :) But here are two examples I want to write down...

Interesting and helpful article on emotional considerations of IVF

I really was surprised at how emotionally taxing my little suppression check appointment was. I did a quick google search and found the following article at this link:

http://www.sart.org/Guide_PreparingForIVFEmotionalConsiderations.html

It certainly rings true so thought I'd include it here. Always nice to find info that helps explain your reactions to things and that helps bring a larger context, especially when it seems just about right. Now I don't feel so silly about my anxiety attacks. :)

Suppression check... check! :)

So am back home after my suppression check this morning, getting ready to head in to work. To summarize - all went well! Blood work is pending, but the ultrasound looked good. I had 12 "freckles" on my right ovary, which are kind of pre-follicles, or where eggs may be forming. Angie (NP) said this is good and, along with the left ovary looking fine means I have a good chance of having a nice group of eggs to retrieve.

Made my list... ready to go... and, TTC terminology

I have my little box of medications and my notebook with questions to check on (or double-check, in some instances, because... well... I'm just like that!) at my appt tomorrow morning. I'm excited!

I've been kind of emotional and moody today - I think the change in hormones post-birth control may be doing that.

I found out today there is a whole bunch of TTC (trying to conceive) terminology I haven't been familiar with - like "PUPO" (pregnant until proven otherwise) - I feel so schooled! ;) At least I knew about "baby dust" - as in "sending baby dust your way" - which means hope you conceive soon. :)

Holy cow - part two...

I woke up this morning realizing the target date for egg retrieval is only TWO WEEKS away! It seems really weird since I don't start shots until Sat - I started feeling anxious, but talked with Blake and he had some great points - first, we live in a day and age of technology where we have an opportunity to address the fertility issues we're facing; second, my diabetes is currently under great control so shouldn't have an impact on this; and third, we are going to an excellent clinic and I have great doctors - we both feel we're at the right place and that things are coming together.

Another little milestone...

I took my last birth control pill - hooray! I'm a little nervous that my blood sugars will start dropping tomorrow - but at least I know what to watch for. :)

Ricky is calling - I get to talk to him for a min - sweet!

Good night!!! :)

Today's Music and the Spoken Word

I woke up pretty early this morning and we don't have to be to church until 11 a.m., so I got on my Wii Fit and did yoga, and then we watched Music and the Spoken Word. At the risk of being a titch late (I now have ~50 min to get ready/to church) :) I want to post some thoughts about today's program. When I heard the poem "Invictus" (below) near the end of the Program, which I had never heard before, it made me cry. I would imagine everyone can relate to it since we all go through trials - and I love it! How inspiring to think about the buffetings of life and remaining unconquerable!

Then the Choir sang "The Impossible Dream" - I always cry when I hear that, too. I love it - it always makes me want to stay true to myself and do my best.

So - just want to share those.

Thanks for all you do to inspire me to stay hopeful and do my best. Love you all! :)

P.S. I'm labeling this "pre-IVF", "Got hormones?" and Non-IVF thoughts because I am certain my emotions are being magnified by my hormones and the fact we're about to go through IVF, but the thoughts themselves aren't really related. Crazy person? Perhaps! :)

A few thoughts on September

I think I have a love-hate relationship with September. I have several great friends who have birthdays in September, football games start in earnest in September, temps start cooling, etc. I sure love when the leaves start changing, the mornings and evenings are crisp, and it starts to feel like Fall.

Checking the list...

So - all of my medications arrived today - hooray!

Top 10 things I love about fall 2010...

10. Beautiful changing leaves
9. Cooling temperatures
8. University of Utah Football
7. Denver Broncos Football
6. I get to go see Ricky's team play football in October in Colorado Springs!
5. I get to go to a Broncos game in October!
4. I get to go to a University of Utah football game in October - with Blake and our Dads!
3. It's (finally) time for IVF
2. Did I mention watching football...?
1. Our anniversary will be in October! :)

Mending fences and a few jitters!

Have you ever said something you realized maybe wasn't the nicest thing ever, and regretted it for several years, even though by most people's estimation you were fully justified in it? Well I have. I said something pretty harsh to someone a year or two ago. At first, I felt liberated, and like "take that"! But very shortly after, especially after I learned of a difficult circumstance they were going through, I started feeling very bad.

I think I am confused!

... or at least my body is! Be forewarned - if you are a guy - you will probably NOT be interested in this post and I have no qualms with you ignoring it!

Our talks :)

This ended up being quite the weekend! My mom and Tom made it and they were the life of the ward party Sat night as Patti Cake and Kactus Pete. How kind of them to drive all the way from Colorado to Bountiful to participate - it was awesome. The picture here is of them/us at the party, then today before they left (the gal who takes pictures/sends ward info out happened to walk by just before they left, and had her camera!) :)

Quick mention of some very cool people :)

Wow. I know some amazingly cool people! Here is quick mention of just a few:

Holy cow - it is ON...

The pharmacy just called re: the medications ordered by the RCC. Five medications for $2,619.90... whoa. So happy we can use our Flex $ for this - having $ spread out over a year makes it seem more reasonable. :)

Meds will arrive Tues Aug 31! IT IS ON!!! :)

I think I am going to run out of titles...

... for these posts! :)

Today was a little bit weird between craziness at work, the weather, and discovering "On the Road with Austin & Santino"... love it? Hate it? I just don't know!!! But that is a story for another day!

Just a quick update - Barb from the RCC called about ordering my medications. I found out that just this morning, they changed how they order meds - so I'll be getting them directly from a vendor (totally cool with me since this should mean the best price available). I was able to find out that I AM on the antagonist protocol (not "antagonistic", mind you... hee hee...) - so I'll start injections around Sept 11.

IVF class - check!

Today was a very full day. Blake has been wanting to go to the Farmer's Market in SLC, and we thought we'd hit that before our IVF class. I am shocked at how much it has expanded! I used to go weekly to buy my fruit/veggies for the week ~7-8 yrs ago - I remember it was about two rows - one with vendors, perpendicular to one with vendors and food. Vendors now encircle the park, and there are crafts plus fruits/veggies/flowers, meats, etc. PLUS lots of food vendors in the middle!!! When we were already a little nervous/stressed about the class, this equating to wall-to-wall people made us slightly more anxious. We bought some brats, corn, and jalapeno bread (to make a mean savory french toast), then called it good and headed to the class.

Forms, forms... those blasted forms!

We just spent two hours reading through various consent and informational forms, making decisions about what we would do if they freeze any resulting embryos should one of us become incapacitated, struck by lightening, injured by a lion who escapes while visiting the zoo, etc. OK - no. Not the last two. But you would think every *possible outcome was covered in these forms! Kind of exhausting.

I haven't been feeling well - I have a sharp, intermittent pain in my stomach and I feel like I'm retaining water. I am assuming this is related to either pulling a muscle or the birth control pills. Blake is convinced I shouldn't worry about it so I'm trying not to!

Special considerations for a diabetic

D'oh! Not only are the bc pills making me moody, they're making my blood sugars run high. I increased by basal rate by 0.2 units/hr (kind of a lot actually!) and am hoping I can get them back < 200. This is also making me not feel so good. I'm lucky my diabetologist is very quick to reply to email questions/help me with guidance on managing things.

Oh maybe stress from purchase orders, contracts, grant applications, and installation of a new software version could be making me run a little high too? ;) Thank heavens for super staff and co-workers who are helping with these things!

It's all good - will be doing my hula DVD tonight.

Oh... and Blake is grilling steak, corn, and veggies for dinner.... woohoo!!! :)

P.S. Worked like a charm - a little adjustment (up .15 units/hr) and I stayed between 90-100 all evening! Feeling so much better!!!

Things that make you go "hmmm...."

So I think I spoke too soon about not being too bad with the birth control pills. I've been very moody today - I even started crying when I saw pictures of myself thinner (I really don't get down like that very much!) I was snapping at Blake, too. Maybe I'm just tired, but this is exactly what I remember from taking them before for acne... but no option to stop taking them now! Hopefully I will get used to it/can manage my emotions better as the month goes on! Fortunately it's only a month - not a permanent thing...

Blake seemed obsessed with talking about what the "man room" will be like for his part on retrieval day today. It was actually very funny - he said he's thinking everything will seem like it's in slow motion, and there will be cheerleaders chanting "Go Blake!" while the theme from Chariots of Fire plays. He said he is envisioning coming out after leaving his contribution to see his friends there high-fiving him. I think that's funny - and whatever is motivating I guess...? :) I know I'll be loopy so whatever!!!

I'm not planning on posting daily, but thought I should note the moodiness to remind myself in case we have to go through this process more than once!