Refocusing... :)

So... the weekend had some bumps. Blake and I just talked, though, and agreed we need to look at this as a positive, exciting time, and we need to be on the same team as we go through this.

Bummer - and music soothes the savage beast... :)

Well, Dr. Reggio (the embryologist) called about an hour ago - he was extremely nice, and explained that the 4 embryos we let culture didn't make it past the 30-cell stage so no embryos to freeze. Bummer. But - it's ok - we didn't really expect them to - we were just hoping. So - now we will focus on positive thoughts for our two transferred embryos! Not a bad thing to know the outcome anyway.

The poor guy apologized again (profusely) for the labeling error - I told him he should stop worrying - we couldn't be happier with the care we're getting, and the way the error was handled just reinforced my confidence in the staff at RCC. They are great.

So... as I mentioned earlier, I worked on my playlist today. I listened to it this afternoon. Thought I would share what I'm including in case you are interested. :) The Jewel CD that the Jewel songs are from is so nice - I'm loving it. Very soothing. :) I'm sure Blake will be DELIGHTED that I've found something to help me chillax!

THiM! :)

Thanks Heavens it's Monday! :) OK not my usual thing to say, but I'm excited for today. I took it off anticipating transfer would be yesterday, and while I would usually readjust and go in, I'm going to still take it off and have a day to myself. I know, I know - this continues to sound a bit selfish. But I promise it will result in a more positive Melissa :)

World's Worst Wife 2010

Yesterday was kind of rough. I will admit, that's because I chose to be a pain. I had anticipated, and looked forward to, at least one day of laid back pampering and babying since I was supposed to be relaxing, staying positive, etc.

Nice job Blakee! :)

I kind of jokingly asked Blake when he was going to get me flowers to celebrate our little milestone yesterday. I've been a bit bossy since I'm supposed to be taking it easy, but he still went and got me gerber daisies - my favorite!!! :)

Quick note - change to blog, and note to self...

Hi all!

Just a quick note - people were having trouble with blog log-ins so I made this public. This means:

1. You won't have to sign in to read it or need an invite to get to it
2. I changed settings so you'll need to type in a verification word to post a comment - shouldn't be too much of a pain, but you may notice the difference.

cRaZy DaY!!! :)

So... on Wed when we got our fertilization report, and we had 6 fertilized eggs, and the tentative plan was to transfer embryos on Sun, I thought, cool! I will get to go to the "What a Woman Wants" expo again this year! I told my sis-in-law, and jokingly noted that if the RCC called and needed to transfer on Fri, maybe she could drop me off there since it was literally up the road from the expo?

Let's just call that a major premonition! :)

Fertilization report :)

Tami at RCC called a few min ago with the fertilization report - GREAT news (at least I think) - of 10 eggs, 7 were mature, and 6 fertilized!!! WOOHOOOOO!!! :) Another little box to check off (and give an A + + + + + + +... to - not me or Blake, but the situation!)

The tentative plan is to do a day 5 transfer (of two - freezing any others that are viable) Sun morning at 10:30 a.m. They will call Fri to confirm.

Happy happy, joy joy! Things are looking promising. :)

Retrieval day! :)

I couldn't sleep well last night - I was too excited for today! I woke up several times before 7:30 a.m. (when I wanted to get up to get ready) and thought "this feels like I felt on my wedding day" - which I took as a good sign because it was one of the best days of my life. :)

The quick summary - things went great! The pictures are of me after the retrieval. I'm smiling - I think that is good! Thank heavens for Blake's cell phone camera - but where did that skinny lens go...? ;)

The HCG shot absorbed and I've got a picture to prove it :)

Just did the pregnancy (aka HCG test) to make sure the dose I took last night absorbed as it should have - woohoo! Looks like it did. :) Another little item checked off. On to tomorrow...!

Hope this is a good sign for next month! :)

Trigger shot DONE!

Just took the high-dose HCG trigger shot-that marks the last shot of this cycle! :)

News flash... :)

So... we had our appt this morning at 9 a.m. I found out the following:

Acceleration!!!

What an interesting appointment today!!!

First - I now have 4 follicles on my right side and 3 follicles on my left side - apparently 3 of the smaller ones have been absorbed on my right, and my left got going the past two days. I said something like "whoa - I didn't think I had ANY on my left!" and Dr. Heiner said... "yep, things change!" The body is a crazy thing.

Kind of freaking out/update from appt today

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster in terms of my emotions the past couple of days!

Estradiol levels, etc.

First, this is the picture of the good luck charm the pharmacy sent with my medications. I like it - it's currently on our fireplace mantle. :) (Yes, we DO like metal sculptures!)

I went to my appointment this morning for my estradiol check. My veins are soooo bad - I told the phlebotomist usually my hand is best, but she wanted to try my wrist vein since it looked pretty good. OUCH is all I have to say about that! Yikes. Plus the bandage kind of looked like I was trying to off myself... but she was super nice.

What do the medications do exactly...?

I just found an interesting article on IVF stimulation protocols and what the medications do. The three I am taking are: Ganirelix (GnRH - antagonist), Bravelle (FSH), and low-dose HCG until a final "trigger" dose of HCG is given - retrieval is 35 hrs after that.

From http://www.advancedfertility.com/ivf-stimulation-antagonist.htm :

"IVF stimulation protocols in the U.S. generally involve the use of 3 types of drugs:

1. GnRH-agonist (gonadotropin releasing hormone agonist, Lupron) or a GnRH-antagonist (Ganirelix) to suppress the LH surge and ovulation until the follicles are mature
   
   
2. FSH product (follicle stimulating hormone) to stimulate development of multiple follicles
   
   
3. HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) to cause final maturation of the eggs"

Second shot

Second shot done. It WAS easier, which is good - much less stressful now that it's not new.

First shot - done. Woohoo! :)

First of all, to give Blake credit :) -
I was feeling anxious last night.
Blake went out and brought me flowers (roses, in fact - the first time he's bought me roses!) and a treat from Baskin Robbins - he got lots of positive man points there... :)

I don't know why, but I've been having a lot of angst over this first shot! I started thinking about it yesterday, and kind of stressed about it all day. Maybe my emotions were running high due to the anniversary of 9/11? Maybe it's normal to feel a little freaked out about what we're about to do - to my ovaries, in retrieving the eggs, etc.? Probably somewhat... Anyway, who knows.

Two little signs...

Have you ever been struggling with something and wishing there was some sign that might comfort you? I know we are not supposed to ask for signs to prove anything, and I haven't done that. But a few times through our experience so far I've had little things happen that made me think "whoah - if that just happened, there is certainly hope!"

You can think I'm crazy and that is ok. :) But here are two examples I want to write down...

Interesting and helpful article on emotional considerations of IVF

I really was surprised at how emotionally taxing my little suppression check appointment was. I did a quick google search and found the following article at this link:

http://www.sart.org/Guide_PreparingForIVFEmotionalConsiderations.html

It certainly rings true so thought I'd include it here. Always nice to find info that helps explain your reactions to things and that helps bring a larger context, especially when it seems just about right. Now I don't feel so silly about my anxiety attacks. :)

Suppression check... check! :)

So am back home after my suppression check this morning, getting ready to head in to work. To summarize - all went well! Blood work is pending, but the ultrasound looked good. I had 12 "freckles" on my right ovary, which are kind of pre-follicles, or where eggs may be forming. Angie (NP) said this is good and, along with the left ovary looking fine means I have a good chance of having a nice group of eggs to retrieve.

Made my list... ready to go... and, TTC terminology

I have my little box of medications and my notebook with questions to check on (or double-check, in some instances, because... well... I'm just like that!) at my appt tomorrow morning. I'm excited!

I've been kind of emotional and moody today - I think the change in hormones post-birth control may be doing that.

I found out today there is a whole bunch of TTC (trying to conceive) terminology I haven't been familiar with - like "PUPO" (pregnant until proven otherwise) - I feel so schooled! ;) At least I knew about "baby dust" - as in "sending baby dust your way" - which means hope you conceive soon. :)

Holy cow - part two...

I woke up this morning realizing the target date for egg retrieval is only TWO WEEKS away! It seems really weird since I don't start shots until Sat - I started feeling anxious, but talked with Blake and he had some great points - first, we live in a day and age of technology where we have an opportunity to address the fertility issues we're facing; second, my diabetes is currently under great control so shouldn't have an impact on this; and third, we are going to an excellent clinic and I have great doctors - we both feel we're at the right place and that things are coming together.

Another little milestone...

I took my last birth control pill - hooray! I'm a little nervous that my blood sugars will start dropping tomorrow - but at least I know what to watch for. :)

Ricky is calling - I get to talk to him for a min - sweet!

Good night!!! :)

Today's Music and the Spoken Word

I woke up pretty early this morning and we don't have to be to church until 11 a.m., so I got on my Wii Fit and did yoga, and then we watched Music and the Spoken Word. At the risk of being a titch late (I now have ~50 min to get ready/to church) :) I want to post some thoughts about today's program. When I heard the poem "Invictus" (below) near the end of the Program, which I had never heard before, it made me cry. I would imagine everyone can relate to it since we all go through trials - and I love it! How inspiring to think about the buffetings of life and remaining unconquerable!

Then the Choir sang "The Impossible Dream" - I always cry when I hear that, too. I love it - it always makes me want to stay true to myself and do my best.

So - just want to share those.

Thanks for all you do to inspire me to stay hopeful and do my best. Love you all! :)

P.S. I'm labeling this "pre-IVF", "Got hormones?" and Non-IVF thoughts because I am certain my emotions are being magnified by my hormones and the fact we're about to go through IVF, but the thoughts themselves aren't really related. Crazy person? Perhaps! :)

A few thoughts on September

I think I have a love-hate relationship with September. I have several great friends who have birthdays in September, football games start in earnest in September, temps start cooling, etc. I sure love when the leaves start changing, the mornings and evenings are crisp, and it starts to feel like Fall.

Checking the list...

So - all of my medications arrived today - hooray!

Top 10 things I love about fall 2010...

10. Beautiful changing leaves
9. Cooling temperatures
8. University of Utah Football
7. Denver Broncos Football
6. I get to go see Ricky's team play football in October in Colorado Springs!
5. I get to go to a Broncos game in October!
4. I get to go to a University of Utah football game in October - with Blake and our Dads!
3. It's (finally) time for IVF
2. Did I mention watching football...?
1. Our anniversary will be in October! :)

Mending fences and a few jitters!

Have you ever said something you realized maybe wasn't the nicest thing ever, and regretted it for several years, even though by most people's estimation you were fully justified in it? Well I have. I said something pretty harsh to someone a year or two ago. At first, I felt liberated, and like "take that"! But very shortly after, especially after I learned of a difficult circumstance they were going through, I started feeling very bad.