You mean all I had to do was ask? :)

Wow... what a difference a day makes! I woke up this morning having anxiety attacks thinking my old boss doubts my judgment - I couldn't shake it. I finally gave up, got up, got ready, and headed to the Flu Summit. When I got there, my friend Nancy sat by me and somehow we started talking about grant applications and I told her how I was having anxiety about the ELC continuation grant, and that I knew I needed help but was having trouble letting go and asking for help. She was so kind and calming, and helped me talk through what I was going to do.

Well - I already knew I'd make a mistake yesterday in not fully empowering my super competent and very bright friend Kris to help with the things I'd already asked her to help with. D'oh! I fully realize this is my fault and appreciate that she has agreed to meet with me tomorrow to revisit things for this grant. She is so positive and kind - I really appreciate her, too!

Then I got to talk to my friend Rachel. Rachel is a rock star - she was also extremely kind and positive, and very supportive in helping me think through how to ease some of the things I've been putting on myself.

That's the funny thing, in a tragic way - no one is even asking me to put the pressure on that I do to myself. Everyone I've talked to has been understanding and supportive. I think I create this vision of me being buried in stress, when perhaps the reality is it's me piling it on in the first place, and everyone else is like "why does she keep doing that? Weird!"

I have great co-workers and employees. I'm afraid to ask for help, probably in part because I am a control freak, and in part because I don't want to cause extra work for people. It was so refreshing to have people respond in a positive, supportive way today - totally helps me feel like I can get through September in a way that will be healthy, with minimal stress.

I know that Nancy, Kris, and Rachel are not the only wonderful friends and family who are helping me - thanks to all of you for your support.

Apologies for my mood swings - I know it's crazy. It's so nice, though, to have friends who see me in my Little Miss Crabby state and STILL seem to accept me! Lucky, lucky girl.

I think I'm learning this principle - sometimes all you have to do is ask and you get all you need, and then some! :)

P.S. - My suppression check is scheduled - Sept 9 at 8:30 a.m. - shots should start Sat Sept 11!